I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
