our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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