Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
