Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
