i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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