a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
