i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
