its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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