i permit you to call me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
