toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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