She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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