he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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