John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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