you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
