i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
