Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
