My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
