you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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