why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
