She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he fucked my hip out of place.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
