Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
