I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
someone get that fucking seahorse.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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