C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
