He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
