38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
