I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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