someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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