There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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