I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
my poor anus
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
