"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
