I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
