so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
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Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
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I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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