I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Are we still banned from the library?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
