Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I need help removing her.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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