You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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