the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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