Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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