Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
