capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
