I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
