based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
