I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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