We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
