My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
