You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
