Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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