actually, I'm a sock model
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize