Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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