My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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