Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
