I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
