you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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