come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
