Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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