I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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