Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
