so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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