I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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