DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
