you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Everyone says I win the strip club
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
