@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
