I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
