Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
