girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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