Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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