don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They took my balls.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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