i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
