so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
