I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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