9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
