she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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