so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
