Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
