I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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