Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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