dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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