I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
